Thursday, August 16, 2012

Wow Long time No write

I haven't been around on some of my normal sites much as a lot has been happening in the last month , it was my mothers birthday in July then on the 18th of July I flew to see my guy for a month it's been a blast I enjoyed being there, I've had a lot of time away from stress and I've been able to clear my mind and get a few things back into perspective. All the anger I had at life is now gone, even now with shit going on around me stuff that may have set me off before it dose not bother me now, I was finally able to open up to someone without feeling judged finally able to let myself talk and let out all the pain and anger I've penned up and taken out on all the wrong reasons, I actually hated myself and the world , because of things that happened to me. I realized I shouldn't be angry anymore, I was hurt sad and confused by parts of my life that I wondered why I don't have any more anger in me I don't hate my ex husband anymore I know now I did not do anything to deserve the beatings he gave me, I don't hate the man that violated me at 5, I had so much hurt so much anger from the painful experiences I went threw but I expressed my anger in the wrong way and well now I feel free of all the pain as I was finally able to sit and talk and not be judged by what had happened to me. For the first time in my life I actually felt a weight taken from my shoulders when I talked about my trauma in my childhood, it made me realize I was a child I was not to blame for what happened, my anger has left me, for I know now someone can look at me and not judge me , their eyes showed that I was not at fault for the trauma I suffered as a child or at the hands of my ex husband or the hospital. I am relived as it means I can move on now I am happy now as I am at peace, all I feel now is that my attackers and abusers have lost as in the end I understood that I can be happy I can let go of my anger and just be free. Other news is I went to Avcon while visiting my guy had a blast a lot of people said my zelda cosplay looked amazing one girl contacted me via email praising my zelda saying she loved it. I am now in another state flew in last night off to another convention today doing yuki Cross out of Vampire Knight well I should really get some sleep as I have to be up in 3 hours Night