Wow Long time No write

I haven't been around on some of my normal sites much as a lot has been happening in the last month , it was my mothers birthday in July then on the 18th of July I flew to see my guy for a month it's been a blast I enjoyed being there, I've had a lot of time away from stress and I've been able to clear my mind and get a few things back into perspective. All the anger I had at life is now gone, even now with shit going on around me stuff that may have set me off before it dose not bother me now, I was finally able to open up to someone without feeling judged finally able to let myself talk and let out all the pain and anger I've penned up and taken out on all the wrong reasons, I actually hated myself and the world , because of things that happened to me. I realized I shouldn't be angry anymore, I was hurt sad and confused by parts of my life that I wondered why I don't have any more anger in me I don't hate my ex husband anymore I know now I did not do anything to deserve the beatings he gave me, I don't hate the man that violated me at 5, I had so much hurt so much anger from the painful experiences I went threw but I expressed my anger in the wrong way and well now I feel free of all the pain as I was finally able to sit and talk and not be judged by what had happened to me. For the first time in my life I actually felt a weight taken from my shoulders when I talked about my trauma in my childhood, it made me realize I was a child I was not to blame for what happened, my anger has left me, for I know now someone can look at me and not judge me , their eyes showed that I was not at fault for the trauma I suffered as a child or at the hands of my ex husband or the hospital. I am relived as it means I can move on now I am happy now as I am at peace, all I feel now is that my attackers and abusers have lost as in the end I understood that I can be happy I can let go of my anger and just be free. Other news is I went to Avcon while visiting my guy had a blast a lot of people said my zelda cosplay looked amazing one girl contacted me via email praising my zelda saying she loved it. I am now in another state flew in last night off to another convention today doing yuki Cross out of Vampire Knight well I should really get some sleep as I have to be up in 3 hours Night

Reflecting On my past cosplays

I found a friends comment interesting they actually said that I had put time and effort into my cosplays to try and get details right but on the other hand my old cosplay partner had not really bothered , I've been thinking about this a lot, even though I don't plan to sew any cosplays for awhile I do plan on making sure the ones I buy are good quality and I recently have two new cosplay partners a female called Jaimi who is an amazing person and will do girly ones with me. I will be getting female Shepard Armour to match its going to be costly but worth it in the long run I am loosing weight and getting contacts to amazing movie grade cosplay commissioners my new zelda cosplay should be ready soon and then I plan to get a few more made. I think I will be majorly improving not only on my weight issues but in the cosplay area as I have amazing support now so don't be surprised if you see me losing heaps of weight and my cosplays start becoming better quality.

Future Cosplay plans Long post this one lol

Angel Sheapard Mass Effect
My Shepard from mass effect I will be doing this with my guy as Garrus I honestly cant wait.


Twilight Princess Zelda
I have done this one twice but this time I am having the dress professionally made, been told the dress will be finished and I will be able to see photos of it.
Reason for cosplaying her: I grew up with Zelda and like her and her designs.



Puppet Zelda
This is when Zant controls Zelda I just have to add make up to my face. I am in Negoations to get her sword and bow made as well.


Dark Zelda
Another of the Zelda Versions I want to do in future.



Tifa Final Fantasy Advent Children
Ive always wanted to do her but held off becuase my ex hated her, but now I plan to after I reach my goal weight.



Ryoko The demon caller Tenchi Muyo
I love Ryoko shes strong and dosent take crap from preepy princess types and either do I lol so I am like her in many ways and cant wait to cosplay her.


Cammy Street Fighter
Will be doing her when I reach my goal weight with my guy as dark Ryu in a street fighter group I cant wait.


Mirya Sterling Robotech
Alien enemy turned good guy married to SDF-1 Pilot ace Max sterling I love the green hair.


Lynn Minmei Robotech
The voice of the songs that helped win the robotech war , her singing showed many zendrodi there was more to life then war.


Jem Jem and the Holograms
80's cartoon rockstar who rocked with her holograms against the evil misfits and always came out on top.


Yuna Final Fantasy Songdress


Venus Sailor Moon
Decided just to do her as she was orginally on my list and once I slim down shes to be done

Woe have not been here in awhile

Well a lot of things have changed in my life I got rid of some useless baggage lol, and have really started to do things for myself. I am no longer with Spike I had a good hard think and relized I couldnt keep wasting my life waiting for someone who has commitment issues, and would just keep me waiting , plus the lies that he told me about his folks knowing we where back together when he had not told them had become to much for me.

Plus I couldnt be myself I had to try an prove myself to him and his family and it was to stressful, but I will be the one laughing at all this in the end I am loosing weight and well I am happier then Ive ever been.

I had a connection with a guy called Ryhan we both have the same intrests he dosent expect me to change to become well something I am not, he cares for me for me, we share the love of mass Effect and cosplay and games I can spend hours talking to him and hes not scared of committment and I feel safe with him, I go to bed every night thinking about him and it makes me smile.

Hes been amazing I was out shopping with mum yesterday I was in shiploads normally I would buy a stack of junkfood and pig out when I got home but this time I was like no think how great youll look as Female sheapard in ryhans arms when his garrus if you losse those 41 extra kilos so I put the junk food down and walked away from it.

So my aim iis to loose 41 kilos and walk into the next con looking amazing on ryhans arm as Femmale sheapard with her Garrus I know I will feel better in myself and my health will thank me for it. I am doing zumba and going to go on walks will be taking the puppys for a walk soon yay!